The Night is Seldom Without Stars
by Random Tea Room
Summary: It was during her seventh year when Lily Evans had her breakdown. He was the sole witness. (Lily/Sirius, can be read as friendship or romance)


**title: **The Night is Seldom Without Stars

**summary:** It was during her seventh year when Lily Evans had her breakdown. He was the sole witness.

**notes: **You have your typical womanizing Sirius and your equally typical in-control Lily. Only Lily is drunk. And Sirius behaves like a gentleman – with a catch.

(Basically I wanted to try the gray area between the Lily/Sirius friendship.)

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It was during her seventh year when Lily Evans had her insanely famous, but undeniably secret, breakdown.

(Pretty girls with their lives together like her can only go so long before the inevitable happens.)

And it just so happened that Sirius Black was the sole witness.

He actually did a double take when he led his blonde conquest (to refer to her as anything other than that would infer emotional attachment) up to the tower for some late night swooning and whatever _activities_followed.

Internally he may have struggled with the decision, but somehow the blonde disappeared almost instantaneously, and he joined the mess of a girl sitting slouched in the ledge of one of the windows seemingly without hesitation. She cast bleary eyes at him before narrowing them suspiciously and raising the bottle she clutched in her right hand to her lips. In a few swift gulps, the upside-down bottle was void of any liquid.

"Oops," she drawled, her lips curling in a slightly malicious smile as she glanced back to the sky. "There's no more… if that's what you're here for."

Sirius smirked, and she couldn't tell if he was amused or concerned.

(She was unsure if it was the alcohol or her infuriating inability to read the womanizer who appeared, at first glance, exceptionally easy to figure out.)

Maybe it was a little bit of both.

"Ah, Lily, love," he countered, his eyes glittering with his usual charm, "I know the secret passages to Hogsmeade for a reason. And you know me – I don't like to owe people."

"I'm not going to sleep with you either," she added warily as if an afterthought, almost as if she hadn't heard his previous statement.

At this he laughed, as if it was the most ridiculous thought in the world. Swinging her legs so that they dangled from where she was perched on the vast stone window seat, she cocked her head to the side. The rush of movement also prompted her to lean against the window for stability and also to try and prevent the world from spinning in circles before her. But that impaired her ability to look inquisitive, and she sighed in frustration.

"I'm serious, Evans," he said, raising his eyebrow as if to get her to challenge his lack of wittiness. "I'd never even think about it."

Against her better judgment, Lily found herself searching his face for a teasing tone. But he seemed sincere (maybe she couldn't tell), and, well, being drunk sometimes provokes unwanted emotions, and Lily tried not to feel slightly hurt.

"Sod off," she snapped, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and closing her eyes in order to regain some order in the world.

(Because she should _never_ feel offended that the disgusting man across from her wouldn't find her fit to end up in his bed.)

"We haven't even gotten to the interesting part," he whined, reaching into his robes and producing a flask with a grin. "The question is, why are you of all people not only drunk but extremely wasted, and not only wasted but in the astronomy tower where anyone could find you? And why wasn't I invited?"

"None of your goddamn business."

"Feisty as always. You know, James really hasn't a clue what he's getting himself into. I mean, I _try_ to tell him he should start small, but he's got this big idea that 'you're the one' and – "

He stopped when he saw she had dipped her head into her hands. A moment later, they pushed back her hair and twisted themselves into it with a fury.

"God, you don't understand." Her voice was wavering, and Sirius knew it wasn't just from the alcohol. "You did it right there. Everyone thinks because I get good grades, and I act uptight sometimes, and I care about how I look, and I'm competitive that I'm going to go off and save the world. Well guess what? I have no idea what I want to do with my life."

A mid-teenage crisis with a side of Firewhiskey, Sirius was chalking it up to. He never did do well with this side of girls.

(Maybe that's why he was made up of one-night stands and broom cupboard escapades and not enough love; he couldn't deal with that side _of himself_.)

"And my mom is really sick right now," she whispered, her voice breaking slightly on the last few words. "And my sister won't keep in touch, and you know about my father. And I-I just…"

She stopped and looked straight at him.

"People think that if they become friends with me or date me they're going to get this amazing girl who knows what she's doing. But I don't. I'm messy on the inside, and I get upset over stupid things, like why you don't think I'm worthy of trying to sleep with. Stupid things bother me. I try to be perfect, but it's impossible."

_Worthy of trying to sleep – what?_ Sirius shook his head, forcing himself not to feel slightly pleased with him. _The _Lily Evans saying those words. Didn't she know that he had only said that not only because she was drunk but because he didn't think he was good enough for someone like her? But he pushed those thoughts aside because, after all, she was drunk and emotional and babbling like an idiot. And probably didn't mean half the bullshit she was spurting out to the extent that she said it.

Regrouping his thoughts, he simply stared. And then he shook his head again and sighed, trying to come up with a reasonable response to this wonder woman of a girl. In most ways, she was the opposite of him. She was a people pleaser, wanted everyone to like her – couldn't stand the disappointment in anybody's eyes. He, on the other hand, had been disappointing people, namely his family, his whole life. And he had learned that the best thing to do was to not give a shit and make himself happy.

(Sure that had lead to his reputation as an egotistical asshole who got the girls and charmed his way out of mishaps, but hey, it was a package deal.)

"Look, Lily," he said gently, trying his hardest to remain casual but failing with another glance her way. "You're not going to please everyone. And thinking you are is a shit attitude to have because you're gonna fail. And you also need to learn that failing is okay. I mean, I fail every day. You think every girl I chase after wants to get with me too?" She gave him a look of disbelief and disgust. "Bad example. Okay, the thing is, you just gotta trust that everything will be okay in the end. And you'd be lying if you had your whole life planned out. Things change."

Lily, who had been taking deep breaths and hanging on his every word with lost puppy eyes, finally slid down from her seat on the window ledge. She staggered a little at first, and Sirius instinctively went to help her.

"Ugh," she moaned, leaning against his shoulder. "I feel awful."

Sighing, Sirius knew it was quite possible she hadn't been listening. The other alternative was that she was too proud to admit what she had just admitted and was now distracting him.

(He didn't kid himself that he wished it was the latter though he wasn't exactly sure why.)

(Sometimes he need an excuse to act like a decent person, he guessed.)

"Well what kind of man would I be if I let you go back to your dorm like this," he joked quietly, sinking to the floor with her awkwardly leaning against his side. Her eyes were closed, and her head found a place nestled against his shoulder.

A few hours later, in the earliest hours that could be called morning, Sirius nudged Lily awake. Sitting up with her sleeping had been driving him insane with her pressed against him in all the wrong ways. He told himself that he came to her rescue for amusement. When that excuse seemed lame, he changed over to the one where he owed it to James to make sure she was okay.

When he came to the revelation that that excuse was even lamer, he decided it was time to get her back. Her dejected face when she declared herself not worthy of being seduced by _him _of all people was swimming in his sleep-deprived mind.

"Wha – " she mumbled, blinking her eyes which, while filled with sleep, were still much clearer than before. "Sirius, what time is it?"

"Time to get you back to your bed," he said evenly, avoiding her eyes as he helped her stand. "Okay, all right there? Lots of watertonight, and you might want to think about skipping your first class tomorrow now that I think about it."

"Not a chance," she mumbled, grinning up at him in her dazed state. She steadied her chin and set out on the way back to the portrait without another word.

When they approached the Fat Lady, Lily did turn towards him with the sincerest look a half-drunk, sleepy-eyed person could give.

"I appreciate everything," she told him. "I'm going through a lot, and what I did wasn't exactly acceptable. And you didn't have to stop and see if I was okay. I know we're not really friends."

"Well you took over my romantic night filled with stargazing and – "

"That's enough."

"Oh, no," Sirius said, smirking. "Let me have my witty jokes and sarcasm, Lily. If I do recall, you were quite put off when I told you I would never try and sleep with you."

"I could have just pretended I forget everything that happened," she grit out, her better judgment returning. "But I thanked you because I owe it to you. You were… a decent man tonight, Sirius. Now, if you'll excuse me."

She tried to move past the dark-haired, dog-eyed man in front of her, but he grinned that wolfish grin at her, and she faltered. He got right up in her face, his breath ghosting over her ear when he leaned down to whisper, "You have a very high opinion of yourself. Well, here's the thing – so do I. I said I wouldn't try and sleep with you because you were drunk. If you'd have been sober, things may have ended differently."

Sometime about him made her hold her breath until he pulled back. She exhaled with her eyes wide, visibly shaken.

(It wasn't the alcohol this time. It was something much, much worse.)

"Good night, love."


End file.
